im really relieved of that. i thought i was going through some weird end of my life depression thingy.
i think ive been happier because 1) ive dealt with the fact that im staying at sla and the people that are there. i still of course fcking HATE sla but two years is not that bad. high school blows. college is where its at 2) ive started acting more chill and laid back. this led to the downfall of my grades harhar. ive started letting go and letting people see my crazy side while holding back. it feels good for people to look at me weird and me not care at all. 3) being me feels natural for once. i dont have to try as hard and im not scared to let people see who i am
still a little depressed but at least im getting better
“I don’t pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into the room and smile at you.”—
today was a crazyyyy day. 9 kids suspended and 2 kids expelled. okay, let me just say all of them deserved a punishment for being stupid and getting involved with weed. but two of my closest friends got punished and i cant help but feel its unfair.
im not going to lie. i smoke weed myself. not as an escape or anything, its just a social thing. its FUN. i do about once every 3 months. i never rely on weed and i never let it rule my life but i think it’s harmless. and if you ever call me stoner or make weed jokes around me, i will push you into the category of a fucking ignorant bitch trying too hard to be funny. so dont mess with me EVER and judge me on what i do and what ive done.
the girl who started everything, ive lost all respect for. karma is a bitch and what goes around comes around. so i guess messing up the lives of 11 people to save your own ass means karma is gonna get you HARD.
lastly, sethers ill miss you bro. you are one of the closest friends i have. we have had too many good moments with each other. my bio project partner for life haha. anyway, we’ll hang out a lot and still be good friends. i love you. i know you love when i tell you that BAHAHA
and thats the end of my rant. wow, i feel better =) if you read all this you must be bored because this is a lot of writing. thanks for caring what i think.
you still like me. and i dont like you back. my best friend says to give you a chance until friday. but i dont even want to. you’re not worth it. you havent done anything all year, so what can you possibly do on friday to make up for that.
im just floating through life. everyday is just mindnumbing and uneventful. i feel fine during the day, but once i get home i realize how my days have been so boring and shitty. then i sleep and wake up dreading the day i . ive never done anything about it. and since im now sixteen years old and all i think its time for a fucking life change. going to try to experience everything i can. meet new people. do everything i possibly can to just be the person i strive to be. gonna break out of my shell lol. no more being shy asian girl. although ill still be a little shy thanks to the advice of someone :p
i just want to be myself and be happy and love myself for who i am.
and i wil fail multiple times, but i know ill get to where i want to be =]
anyway today was really relaxing. i got home at 12:30 last nite from amanda’s house. sethers dropped me off. slept until 10:30. read my glamour magazine with miley cyrus on the cover. godd i love that magazine. i swear to god, all my life lessons and beauty tips are from there haha. went to tj maxx with my mom. my mom is so asian it is so sad. SMH.
then me and andy and my brother played mortal kombat vs dc. hella sickkkk. but too bad i suck. blahhh. then andy asked who i thought the cutest boy at school was. and then i couldnt think of anybody so i said matthew ohara. LOL. i dont even know why i answered him.
and for the first time in a long time im having family issues. fuckkk. i hope my mom doesnt make a huge mistake and mess up everyones lives…the best thing that ever happened to my messed up family may be gone.and im pretty sure once he leaves my family will fall apart all over again.